Last Night Got Real
I don’t know a whole lot about how to be successful in long-term relationships…a lot of mine tend to have been based on some kind of mutual fear of losing one’s validation rather than on a genuine desire to be with someone because they make you a better person and you can’t imagine forever without them. This is kind of the first time that I don’t desperately want to be with someone because I’m using them to fulfill a doubt in myself. I desperately want to be with her because she makes every atom of my consciousness feel alive and fulfilled.
It figures that communication and honesty have to factor in pretty high up there, and it also seems safe to assume that every single day is not going to be a walk in the park, even early on in the relationship there are likely to be times when your head leads your heart and you second guess your gut. I wish I had some kind of model from childhood to look at, instead, as with most things, I tend to have to do my own research to make sure I'm not completely off the reservation.
I was honest last night about some stuff that was in my head and consequently weighing on my heart and suddenly everything got really heavy on both sides. A lot of truths were told, fears were expressed and I thought for a split second that maybe I was the only one who wanted this the same way as before. What would happen if it ended? My heart would break, I would be inconsolably sad and I would miss my best friend intensely. The sadness would be sharp and it would hurt a LOT, but eventually, one day, it would go away. No one would ever replace her, and why would I want them to? I'd never want anyone to make me feel the way she makes me feel because it would just remind me of her and what we had.
It's been three months. I suppose it's normal for some of the glow and glimmer of the first infatuation phase to begin to become a more realistic view of the other person. You're bound to see the other one on a grumpy day or hit a different stride at some point. As best I can tell the important thing is that you keep coming back to each other and you keep being honest and you always keep one foot in their shoes so you never lose sight of what they're going through at any given moment.
One thing I've learned after all I have been through in the last four years is that you can't take anything you have for granted. A job, an apartment, the love of your life…there is no guarantee that it will be there tomorrow. We went to bed last night in love and glad that we talked everything out. Change in the dynamic of a relationship can be scary when it happens surreptitiously; I needed to talk it out and understand what those changes meant for our future. Today I woke up for work with just over an hour and a half of sleep and a heart so lightened from gratitude. I have a roof over my head, a job that, while unfulfilling, I am capable of excelling at and most importantly I have another day where I get to be absolutely head over heels in love with my best friend.
I may not have everything I want in this life, but that's a hell of a lot more than most have, so today I'm thankful.
I just realized there's an extra body here.
I just realized there's an extra body here.
Could I have been anyone other than me?
Could I have been anyone other than me?
Photo
89cats: sick fearless bastard by Crazy Ivory on Flickr.
sick fearless bastard by Crazy Ivory on Flickr.
phototoartguy: King by Denis Van Linden
King by Denis Van Linden
ayustar: African Lion (Lex Luther) by HollyBerry255 on Flickr.
African Lion (Lex Luther) by HollyBerry255 on Flickr.
words are futile devices.: maybe when we're older.
words are futile devices.: maybe when we're older.:i always imagined that i'd live alone one day. each morning i'd talk myself out of bed, make my own coffee, invest in my isolation. i'm beginning to see the importance of colliding universes, though, and i'm starting to fear the weight of loneliness. nothing breeds resentment quite like wishing…
Photo
Photo
Photo
wordscanbesexy: heatherbat: callmebliss: hellotailor: rubdown...
'Cause people seem to only post the 20-something Audrey Hepburn
this is genuinely the first photo i've seen of her looking older
I didn't know Audrey Hepburn grew old into a bomb-ass old lady until like, last year. I thought she died young cuz that's the only pictures I've ever seen.
omg
<3
she was also the granddaughter of a baron, the daughter of a nazi sympathizer, spent her teens doing ballet to secretly raise money for the dutch resistance against the nazis, and spent her post-film career as a goodwill ambassador of UNICEF, winning the presidential medal of freedom for her efforts.
and history remembers her as pretty.
\o/
and history remembers her as pretty.
and history remembers her as pretty.
and history remembers her as pretty.
glenyrd: I want a pizza so goddam bad.
I want a pizza so goddam bad.
So I got her a record player for her birthday and we have been listening to records all night and I...
So I got her a record player for her birthday and we have been listening to records all night and I don’t reckon I know how to be worried about anything right now.
Photo
Photo
Photo
adventuresonmyiphone: Chicago deep dish pizza. I want to marry...
Chicago deep dish pizza. I want to marry you.
like-candy: Pizza
Pizza
Photo
No comments:
Post a Comment